Lessons in Life and Death

A week ago today I blogged about standing vigil over my grandmother's deathbed. She passed peacefully at 4:30 am that Wednesday morning, with my dad and her nurse praying over her. As much as it pains us to lose her, I truly mean it when I say I am happy to know she is pain-free and finally with my Papaw in heaven.

My Mamaw taught me many lessons in life, but interestingly I find I am learning lessons from her even in her death. My mom's eulogy at the service spoke of many of the important things she taught us:

---Generosity
---Love and concern for others over yourself
---How to be a good listener
---Have a strong work ethic

Among many other things. Her one phrase that echoes in my mind a lot (especially when I am cleaning the house) is "if a job is worth doing, it's worth doing right." In other words, don't cut corners. This comes to mind pretty much every time I vacuum!

Mamaw's life lessons are important and they run deep in our family. That's no surprise to me, but it has been a surprise to find that even her death has taught me something very important. I am not articulating it as well as I would like but here goes: It seems like a cliche to say "Oh, I learned not to take loved ones for granted...", and that's not really it, exactly. It's more like I'm learning that everyone has a story, and it's important to know your loved ones' stories, to really know and understand who they are, outside of just the simple context in which you know them.

Here's what I mean: I only knew my Mamaw as an elderly lady who was crippled and always wore wigs. She was funny and kind and I loved her, but I never really saw beyond what was right in front of me. In the last few weeks it has truly been thrilling to discover she was so much more than I knew, and such an interesting character!

I feel like I knew pieces of her stories, some things about her, but I was never really able to put it all in a big-picture context to really know her, until now. And that's the lesson she has taught me in death: we are all so much more than the outward appearances of our current circumstances.

It has been a joy to hear stories of her as a young girl, to see pictures I know I have seen before but I am looking at in a whole new way now. Ruby Mae was something else! Just take a look at this little spitfire:

That's her on the far right...what a sassy little thing! What I love most about this picture is that the girls are all wearing pants, in a time when it was much more appropriate for young ladies to wear skirts. Finally, I know where I get my aversion to all things skirt-ly.

Ruby Mae was a flirt! One of her favorite things to do with her best friend Betty June was to sweep their tiny town for visiting soldiers and serve them a home-cooked meal. She must have had many beaus, and in this picture she is certainly having a ball:

And finally, my favorite picture of them all...Ruby Mae loved Jack Jackson, my Papaw:

Can't you just see the sparks flying?!

Here is the lesson, then: Mamaw was so much more than a funny and kind little old lady who wore wigs, and I'm only sorry that it took me so long to figure that out. But I can take that lesson and apply to others in my life, to show that I really did learn the things she taught me. In life Mamaw taught us good listening skills, and in her death she is teaching me how to really listen, to pay attention to all the things that make a person who they are today, not just the body that happens to be in front of me. What a fine lesson that is to learn!